What a time to be alive: phones, computers, artificial intelligence, trying to put people on mars, new drugs, better drugs, constantly on the brink of a world war, toaster ovens. Things are cool, things are fast, and they usually get the job done as it won’t be long until we have Roombas for our lawns, and I bet they will even scoop up the dog poop too. The competition for the coolest product has been going on for a while now, and big business is winning by owning it all. No need for a new product if everyone is happy with what exists, which leads me to my point, sponge and dishwasher companies have a monopoly on dish cleaning technology, and both work enough so that there is no need to innovate.
Tell me fellow reader, what does the perfect dishwashing routine look like to you? For some it is what they currently do, for others it is probably someone else doing it, and for me it looks like me throwing a dirty dish back into the cabinet and just opening the cabinet to a clean dish. In these next paragraphs I not only challenge the dish cleaning industry but challenge all of humanity to create the Sponge 2.0.
In the perfect world, the Sponge 2.0 would not fuck around. I’m talking spotless dishes every. damn. time. No malfunctions, and maybe it even plays a cool song when it is cleaning. My previous versions had been more like a sponge assistant while the current versions of the Sponge 2.0 are more like a sponge god. Dirty dishes would be a thing of the past with Sponge 2.0 on the loose. Imagine, you just finish off a plate of your favorite meal and whaddyaknow, the dish is caked in foodstuffs that needs to be washed off. “Fuck”, you think to yourself. Your hopes and dreams disappear as all that you can think about is washing your damn dish. But have no fear, Sponge 2.0 swoops in, takes your dirty plate and cleans the shit out of it, Sponge 2.0 gets it so god damn clean that you could return it to where you bought it from for MORE money than you paid for it. All of the sudden, you are no longer plagued by your previous thoughts like “fuck”. An overwhelming sensation of serenity overwhelms you and your thought turns into a “whoa, that was sick as shit!”, and your once dirty plate returns to its humble but righteous position in the cabinet. Sponge 2.0 returns to its designated charging station, but it is not done. As you walk over to inspect the job, Sponge 2.0 gets back up, looks you in your eyes, and spits on the ground in disgust. It knows it did a good job, it doesn’t need your approval, you are but a speck of dust to the worldly power of Sponge 2.0. You cannot name Sponge 2.0 out of sheer respect, or it will kill you. You live in symbiosis, you provide the godly creature a space to exist as well as a supply of dirty dishes and the sponge cleanses. Live by the Sponge 2.0, die by the Sponge 2.0.
Categories: 8, jayce slesar, November 3, 2020