letter of love to ads

by owencarpenter

Dearest beloved,

It is a normal day, I am sitting around in my online class and bored out of my mind. Eagerly watching time tick by at a snail’s pace. I try playing a game on my phone, grasping for something, anything interesting to happen. I repeatedly go through the tapping motions required for any mobile game. But then my day changes for the better. You appear.

You are summoned, coming out of nowhere. I try to evert my eyes but you are just too tempting. I can’t resist anymore; I have to look. You’re so filled with colors and sounds and banners, my heart swells with joy. You resurrect my spirit like a phoenix from the ashes.

Oh mobile game ads, how I love you so. I just cannot get enough. I love everything about you. From, the bottom of the screen to the top, you’re a cacophonous display of sights and sound. You take my breath away every time you find me. 

Oh, how I love your invisible X. I happily live in ecstasy for thirty seconds while your “well-produced” ad occurs. With your images big breasted women and plucky narration. Whenever I hear “Anna, I’m home!” from the Rise of Kingdoms ad, I know it will be a good day. And I love getting you to make a strange moral decision. I always make a choice; all to get the full demo experience.

But in the back of my mind though, I know the X will appear sometime. I live in denial for one quarter to half a minute. But sadly, it finally appears. I wait as long as I can before hitting it, but at a certain point, I must move on. 

Only to have my love reinvigorated by a playable demo. Your playable demos are too much for me. You give me just enough to make me fall head over heels for you but end right as it gets good. You leave me wanting more, lusting for your sweet gameplay of a shitty tower defense game.

Then you leave me once more, and my day becomes mundane again. Now begins the cycle all over again. I go back to my class, back to the real world. But in my mind, I will always remember the thirty seconds I was fighting zombies or running a pawn shop.

I will be your level one crook forever.

Respectfully yours,

Owen C-Z

Categories: November 3, 2020, owen carpenter, trash

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