shit’s hap’n’in the bathroom

by salivapussyeyes

Perhaps you’ve heard the old rule that masses of people gather in kitchens at parties. Now, I know it has been a while since any of us have attended a party, but I want you to think back to your last wild ride and tell me– did the interesting things reeeally happen in the kitchen? I would like to propose that the true shining star of the party is the bathroom. Everything happens in the bathroom.

You’ve been at the party for an hour. It’s kinda lame but where else would you go on a Friday night? The indie boy who invited you is now ignoring you, and you’re not looking forward to receiving a text later tonight that says “wish id kissed u ;)” when he won’t even come say hi. You’ve been standing next to the refrigerator, leaning against the counter for almost the entire time you’ve been here. You don’t dance. You’re not like Becky. Becky is too drunk, as usual. She might make out with Ryan. You’d be mad, but not surprised. She stumbles over to you and drags you to the bathroom, yelling about how she has to pee. 

The bathroom is cramped but you sit on the edge of the tub, across from your pissing friend. She talks for what feels like hours about how hot Ryan is, how dangerous, how much she likes him. You try to focus on the sound of her stream, avoiding listening to her speak. When she finally stands and begins to wash her hands, there’s a knock on the door. Her eyes shoot up to the mirror, catching and locking yours in a look that does not sit right. 

“He’s here,” she says mischievously. 

Who’s here? You think. She opens the door carefully. Then Ryan walks in. He’s holding a little baggie full of white powder. The room feels even smaller, but you’re more excited than you were a moment ago. Ryan tips the bag and begins to chop up lines. 

Another knock is heard. You creak the door open, and Blake is standing there. You open the door further to allow them in. Blake asks you how you’ve been. It’s been ages since you’ve seen each other. It’s true, it has been ages since you’ve seen them, and you begin to ask them every question under the sun about their life since you last talked. They fill you in on every little detail, and by the time a plate full of lines is being pushed in your face, you already feel invigorated. 

Another knock, and in bursts your best friend. They begin filling you in on everything that has happened beyond the walls of the bathroom. How long have I been in here? You think to yourself. Your friend tells you that there’s a large group of people who are going to be pissed the second you walk out of the door. You take a deep breath, and your friend takes the last line. You look around the bathroom. Ryan and Becky are making out in the bathtub, Blake and your best friend look feverishly at you. You sniffle, then lean back against the door, grabbing the knob. You’re almost ready. 

Less than a second later, you swing the door open to a line of ten people. They all groan and boo as you walk by, but you’re on top of the world. You rush back to the kitchen and begin to pour yourself another drink. You know that within the next hour you’ll be back in the bathroom, pissing, puking, or if you’re lucky you may be fucking or gossiping. Everything happens in the bathroom.

Categories: 8, October 20, 2020, wilt

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