Few in recent memory have captured the zeitgeist quite like Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion, with their viral sensation “WAP”. Unlike past radio crazes like “Gangnam Style” or “The Harlem Shake”, little is known regarding the meaning of Ms. B’s smash hit. Although the title is surely an acronym, no definite understanding is widely known. In a feat of investigative journalism, I set out to solve the mystery of the “WAP”.
War And Peace – Although B is not a known Tolstoy fanatic, it is not a mere coincidence that her acronym matches that of one of the world’s most famous pieces of literature. Cardi’s stunning commentary on the French invasion of Russia in 1812 includes astute attacks on the strategy of the French army, calling their “pull out game weak.” In a stirring change of perspective, she assumes the voice of a Russian village woman, saying “never lost a fight, but I’m looking for a beating.” Truly a major step in maturity for the young artist.
What a Player – Clearly, this is Cardi’s tribute to the late Laker Kobe Bryant, who died in January of 2020, followed by outpourings of tributes. Spike Lee wore my purple and gold suit to the Golden Globes and the NFL’s Derek Carr promised to wear a shooting sleeve for his whole playing season, despite the fact that his sport does not involved shooting. The lyric concerning “going in dry” and “coming out soggy” refers to Kobe leaving all his energy on the court as a player, leading to the prolific career that now Ms. B is left to memorialize.
Why Are People..? – In the vein of the Black Eyed Peas 2003 lament “Where is the Love?”, this song is a plea for sanity in an increasingly insane world. The song is littered with references to current events. “Pay my tuition just to kiss me” refers to Lori Loughlin college admissions scandal. “Big D” is the nickname Cardi uses for President Donald Trump. “Extra large and extra hard” refers to the task of maintaining a positive mindset as the world catapults ceaselessly towards complete apocalypse. Like Neil Young before her, Cardi walks the human highway, wondering how people could get so unkind.
Wet Ass Penis – Above all, Cardi B is understanding partner concerning the intricacies of the male erection. With hundreds of thousands dead as a result of a global pandemic, wildfires indicating irreversible climate emergency and a contentious and repulsive political landscape, maintaining an erection is no longer a breeze. In 2020, a soak is the new normal. Countless references to water and wetness imply Cardi’s tempered sexual desires, particularly, settling for a man who has simply soaked his phallus.
Much like the Bible, there are many interpretations of Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s 2020 hit, and no one interpretation is superior to any other. Isn’t that what makes art so fascinating, that the meaning is forever just out of reach? In the endless quest for knowledge that is so innately human, “WAP” is perhaps just ultimately unknowable.
Categories: grant woods, october 6, 2020, tunes