WAP: What does it mean to us?

by grantwoods

Few in recent memory have captured the zeitgeist quite like Cardi B and Megan Thee  Stallion, with their viral sensation “WAP”. Unlike past radio crazes like “Gangnam Style” or  “The Harlem Shake”, little is known regarding the meaning of Ms. B’s smash hit. Although the  title is surely an acronym, no definite understanding is widely known. In a feat of investigative journalism, I set out to solve the mystery of the “WAP”.  

War And Peace – Although B is not a known Tolstoy fanatic, it is not a mere coincidence  that her acronym matches that of one of the world’s most famous pieces of literature. Cardi’s  stunning commentary on the French invasion of Russia in 1812 includes astute attacks on the  strategy of the French army, calling their “pull out game weak.” In a stirring change of  perspective, she assumes the voice of a Russian village woman, saying “never lost a fight, but  I’m looking for a beating.” Truly a major step in maturity for the young artist.  

What a Player – Clearly, this is Cardi’s tribute to the late Laker Kobe Bryant, who died  in January of 2020, followed by outpourings of tributes. Spike Lee wore my purple and gold suit  to the Golden Globes and the NFL’s Derek Carr promised to wear a shooting sleeve for his whole  playing season, despite the fact that his sport does not involved shooting. The lyric concerning  “going in dry” and “coming out soggy” refers to Kobe leaving all his energy on the court as a  player, leading to the prolific career that now Ms. B is left to memorialize.  

Why Are People..? – In the vein of the Black Eyed Peas 2003 lament “Where is the  Love?”, this song is a plea for sanity in an increasingly insane world. The song is littered with  references to current events. “Pay my tuition just to kiss me” refers to Lori Loughlin college  admissions scandal. “Big D” is the nickname Cardi uses for President Donald Trump. “Extra  large and extra hard” refers to the task of maintaining a positive mindset as the world catapults  ceaselessly towards complete apocalypse. Like Neil Young before her, Cardi walks the human  highway, wondering how people could get so unkind.  

Wet Ass Penis – Above all, Cardi B is understanding partner concerning the intricacies of  the male erection. With hundreds of thousands dead as a result of a global pandemic, wildfires  indicating irreversible climate emergency and a contentious and repulsive political landscape,  maintaining an erection is no longer a breeze. In 2020, a soak is the new normal. Countless  references to water and wetness imply Cardi’s tempered sexual desires, particularly, settling for a  man who has simply soaked his phallus.  

 Much like the Bible, there are many interpretations of Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s  2020 hit, and no one interpretation is superior to any other. Isn’t that what makes art so  fascinating, that the meaning is forever just out of reach? In the endless quest for knowledge that  is so innately human, “WAP” is perhaps just ultimately unknowable.

Categories: grant woods, october 6, 2020, tunes

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