interview: pons

by elizaligon

Sam Cameron, Sebastien Carnot, Jack Parker. Pons. If you’re a Burlington basement show fanatic, you already know that I’m not talking about Brain Anatomy. If you have no clue, all you need to know is that more is coming. Something big. Something very big. But also secret, for now. Not that there are any secrets in the band, oh no none of that. And no whispering, prohibited by their rules. There are a LOT of rules. You name it, they’ve made a rule about it. A lot of them go for the band itself: what to eat, what to wear, what not to eat and wear. Here’s one for the general public, though: DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH PONS. Also, fair warning, if you see any of the members of Pons without the others, that’s seven hours of bad luck. (They know someone who does voodoo.)

Who has been the most inspirational to y’all as artists? 

Jack: As artists? Like other bands? I guess? Suicide, (yeah, the Stooges.) I mean, as far as modern bands go, Girl Band and the Garden.

Sam: Suicide.

Seb: The Stooges. 

Who has been the LEAST inspirational to y’all as artists? (Someone you hate or someone very bland.)

Seb: Uhhh, fuckin, whats-his-name from the Avengers. Jeremy Renner.  He’s untrustworthy. Factually untrustworthy.

Jack: Ummm least inspirational…. Jeremy Renner brings an awkward presence to whatever he’s in. WHAT does he bring to the table that any other white male actor couldn’t?

Sam: Biiiiig beef w Jeremy Renner. BIIIIG BEEF.

Craziest thing Pons has ever done onstage?

Sam: I had my toe sucked on stage. (Eliza: How did you feel?) Shocked. Appalled. The guy apologized afterward. 

Jack: Yeah we never play with shoes on so I felt bad for the dude.

Seb: I somehow missed that AND the guy falling from the second story. (Jack: He [the guy who fell] was super hype about it though.)

The people want to know: do you prefer when drums go KeHSH or when they go WAP?

Jack: WAP!

Sam: WAP!

Seb: WAP!

You wore bird masks at your show at Higher Ground. What, in your professional opinion, is the best bird? And why?

Jack: I’m not “pro-bird” by any means, let’s make that clear. I understand why Alfred Hitchcock made that movie.

Sam: “Watchful eye of the sky” Y’know what that means? UP TO NO GOOD.

Seb: No trust. Being attacked by birds would be a lot scarier than like, anything else.

Do you have a strong opinion about horses? (I’m scared of them because they’re an 8 foot, 2000 pound animal with no sense of human morals.)

Jack: Another super untrustworthy animal. Have you ever looked a horse in the eyes? We don’t know what’s going on in there… But if I could ride one, go like dangerously fast then maybe– actually all farm animals are gross.

Sam: Why the long face? Yeah agreed [that farm animals suck], except cows and pigs. I like them.

Seb: Love me some water animals.

What is your favorite brand of canned soup? 

Sam: Cans are, Canned food is a no-no for Pons. We can’t go near it, something about that shape. It’s not a cleanliness thing. 

Jack: I’ve NEVER eaten canned soup, canned food. Can Openers? Asking for trouble… We know our stuff regarding fruits and veggies, we worked in a produce factory.

Seb: What even is in most canned foods? Rats shit in stuff nowadays. Produce, that’s what’s up… Packaging, unpackaging.

If you could kick anyone’s ass, who would it be and why?

Jack: That’s a hard one. Maybe Jeremy Renner. Maybe, but maybe I don’t wanna spite him again. Y’know what, THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE. 

Sam: That’s a lot of power. I would totally punch Adam Levine… or all of Maroon Five. (Jack: OOOO that’s a punchable face)

Seb: Hmm… Suresh Garimella? Wait I don’t wanna get assassinated, don’t put that.

If you could eat sushi off of any famous person’s (dead or alive) body, who would it be and why?

Jack: I wanna pick something super offensive. Like…. My brain’s going to dead, deaddeaddead. So, assuming that I’ve practiced the ouija board skills… Maybe uhhhhh uhhh. I would eat it off of uhhhhh Mark Zuckerberg. 

Sam: My brain went dead too. I would eat sushi off of Andre the Giant’s body.  (Eliza: That’s SO much sushi!)

Seb: I’d eat sushi off of Steve Harvey.  (Jack: That’s too far. Dead Sam!) Yeah, dead Sam. NO, WAIT! Dead Bezos. 

Do you have any coins in your pockets right now?

Seb: ABSOLUTELY NOT, no coins.

Jack: No, all of my money is in a well-protected safe in a well-protected location. Perfectly kept track of how much goes in and out. I’m all about that green. World’s wealthiest band, and the band with the highest combined IQ. I have the documentation for that, I carry the documentation for anything I might need. (Eliza: But no coins?) no coins. We also operate based on IOUs. 

Sam: World’s wealthiest band! 

Categories: 8, eliza ligon, interviews

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