art by ivy babson
If I’ve learned one thing as an environmental studies major, it’s that ecosystem services are important. In a word, the kids need the outdoors! The adults need that sweet and freshy Earth air, baby! The kayak club has to kayak! Fortunately, one of UVM Athletic Campus’s best ecosystems services has just been created!Have you heard heard that there is a gaping hole outside our Grundle?
I’m sure you already knew that; in fact, I’m almost positive you knew that because it’s literally impossible for working human eyes to miss this ever so sexy sight. The Harris-Millis Moat (as it shall henceforth be officially known) resembles “The Pit,” from Parks and Recreation. And just like The Pit, one can only hope to fall into this gigantic hole in the ground just like Leslie Knope! You could even roll around in it if you so choose! But, if I’m being honest, that’s a little… boring… a little… bland. The Harris-Millis Moat has potential for much more, and there’s a moat-based activity for any and all UVM students! Here’s some ways you and your friends (and/or your enemies!) can enjoy the Harris-Millis Moat!
A Dig for Archaeology Majors and Nutrition Majors
The year: 1972. The scene: someone drops their handful of fries which they just got from the 1972 Grundle friers. As the years pass, the food only sits there on the ground, rotting and slowly decomposing in the earth. But it waited for you, archaeology and nutrition kids! For you, this is a gold mine. Imagine all the tasty goodies you can find underneath the soil, just waiting to be unearthed and studied by you! Why, you ask? In order to study the eating habits and chemicals consumed by UVM students throughout the years, the centuries even! Perhaps you archaeology majors could find ancient hippy bones somewhere, because after all, anything’s possible!
The Harris-Millis Moat has the ability to serve the most disenfranchised and persecuted social group to ever exist: skaters. When empty of water or any other liquid, The Harris-Millis Moat is a perfect place for any skater to absolutely shred whenever they want to, regardless of the presence of basketball players on the courts. You can’t play basketball in The Moat, that is incredibly stupid. Moat = Strictly Sk8r Territory.
This usage of The Harris Millis Mote is simple and can be used by most people at one point or another. So imagine this: let’s say you’re tired as fuck and all you want to do is take a hit and then sleepy sleep at 8:00 pm. But, alas! Your roommate! They want to fuck! Wherever will you sleep? For you, The Harris-Millis Mote is no longer just a pit in the ground, it’s your new lodging for the night! Enjoy a night under the stars as you lay next to your fellow students, who are also probably sleeping there in order to avoid their own roommates who have plans similar plans to your roomates’ plan (SEX PLANS). There’s probably some kind of a spiritual benefit from sleeping on ancient ground too. And I bet sleeping on alllll that dirt will definitely help your higher self connect more to the Earth or something like that?
Categories: around town, art, katie rearden, Uncategorized