gregslist: vol. 22 issue #1

Missed Connection: The Sound of Silence

Saw you outside nectar’s on my way to gorge on drunk pizza. You: 5’11”, painted face, striped shirt w/ suspenders, very expressive. Me: sexy college muskrat in a velvet jumpsuit who’s sick of guys who talk to much. We met eyes from across the street, and you gasped at me. Man have i been craving that level of attention. I wanted to ask for your number, but you appeared to be trapped in an imaginary box. I have to say, the way you pulled that ever-ending chain of scarves out of my cleavage really turned me on. Hoping i can find out how to get you to make some noise next time? Where: Main St. When: Saturday night. You: Mime. Me: Muskrat.  

Selling: 19 raccoons

i had noticed some movement under my roommate’s car when i was walking home from three needs at 2:15, not paying any real attention to my surroundings except to the ranch dressing i was eating with my hands. the next night as i was doing the exact same thing (my nightly ritual) i realized there was a family of feral raccoons living under my roommate’s ford explorer. my first instinct was to befriend them and raise them under the belief that i was there very tall and usually filthy god. then the raccoons spawned 13 raccoon babies, that cry every night like a banshee with bronchitis. i’m selling them. being their god isn’t worth it. god, it isn’t worth it.

Long brick

I’m searching for a really long brick, preferably 5 feet long by 6 inches tall. I need it for my special project but I need this one long brick. I will pay upwards of $300 for this, please let me know if you have it. If you find it before the week is out I’ll throw in a free movie ticket for Hotel Transylvania 3.

Apartment for rent

590 Main St. Burlington, VT 05405

Regularly renovated, certified-green building constructed out of outstanding brick and concrete with stunning stainless steel and glass detailing. 8 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms (toilets and urinals), one shower. Walking distance to all UVM campuses, academic and residential, very close proximity to food. Construction nearby, not on property for rent. Washer/dryer on location but reserved for Sodexo use during the daytime. $1500/mo, first and last months’ due at time of lease signing. 

Call (802) 656-4636 for more information. 

Categories: gregslist, trash


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